You alone are enough and have nothing to prove to anyone.
- Updated: April 22, 2021
You will come across people who belittles you, makes fun of you or put you down.
They have all types of reasons for doing so. Read more here.
You can do something about it.
These are some of the things you need to think about and work on.
1. Be aware that that their comments reflect on them, and not on you.
It is hard not to be affected by mean words.
The best you can do is to not take their comments personally.
Their comments reflect their own insecurities, their own troubles, their own past, and their own prejudiced mindset.
They may not even believe their own views they express. It is just their view, and nothing more.
Remember that you can choose how to react emotionally.
Do not let it affect you.
2. Consider the actual situation and not on what negativity they are pushing.
Focus on what is positive and not the negative stuff they are dumping on you.
List down what the other person has said. Then come up with all the reasons you can think of as to why they are untrue.
Do this in your mind, and not out loud to the other person.
You can just hear what they say. And you are not obliged to agree.
Sweep them away and do not let them saturate your mind.
3. You have a lot of good things going with you in your life.
You have a lot of things to be grateful for your life.
- People who care about you and believe in you.
- Things you have worked hard at and achieved.
- Stuff you enjoy doing.
- Moments to cherish.
Ask yourself whether you are going to allow someone else’s unkind words get into you.
And let them overwhelm all these things you are grateful for.
Reflect on how insignificant the put down really is.
It is not likely to affect your life outside of what you allow it to.
If a person repeatedly puts you down, it will affect your relationship with them, but you have control over this.
You might choose to not have that person in your life anymore, for instance.
But their words do not hold any power over you by themselves.
4. Take what was constructive in the put down and throw away the rest.
Ninety-nine times out of a hundred this will not be the case. But it is fine to be on the lookout for that one time when it may be useful.
Ask yourself if there was anything constructive in the put down.
If not, discard them.
Some people are quite impulsive and thoughtless with their choice of words. They may express themselves in ways that do not quite reflect their underlying thoughts or opinions.
They may sound condescending without meaning it when they meant to be helpful.
You can take on board the constructive message underlying the poorly chosen words.
5. Do not attack them in return.
No retaliation please.
Do not use a put down of your own to hurt them like they hurt you.
You may hurt the other person deeply or you may have started a war.
So, what should you do instead?
There is one way of breaking free from the effects of the put down.
Empathise with the person who said it.
It is possible that, in many cases, they are saying hurtful words from their own position of pain or misery.
They are hurt and are lashing out to try to find some comfort.
This does not mean you have to allow this sort of behaviour to continue unabated. But it does allow you to approach the situation from a more diplomatic position.
6. Laugh it off.
A good way to respond to a put down is to simply laugh it off.
The perpetrator may likely be confused by this response.
They may think twice about doing it again as they can see how little it affected you.
It also gives you a position of strength in a group of people.
You can help disarm the situation and put you in a good light if there are other people present.
Self-deprecating humour can warm people to you, and not to the perpetrator.
7. Tell them how it makes you feel.
Do this only if the person who puts you down is someone you care about and who cares about you.
This could be your partner, a family member you are on good terms with or a good friend. These are people that you can be honest with about how they made you feel.
Sometimes it could be tempers raised in the heat of the moment. Or they thought they were being funny and did not realise that they will hurt, insult, or demoralise you.
Or perhaps, they were trying to give you some well-intentioned (at least to them) advice and it came out badly.
Just respond with, “Perhaps you did not intend it to be hurtful, but what you just said was quite upsetting.”
This may stop them. And they may consider their actions and be quite apologetic.
Try to do this the soonest. Otherwise, you can hear this phrase “I don’t remember saying that” the next time you bring it up.
8. Exit the stage.
If you think that being honest or forthright may not work, or that the person is not close to you, walk away.
You do not have to be rude about it.
Just say, “Well, I have got to go and have XXX (stuff) to do”, or “It is getting late, I think it is best for me to go now.”
Or it could be the case that you are with a group of people and you want to stay on. You could just go away for a few minutes to let the conversation move on to something else.
Use the time to go to the toilet, get some fresh air, have some food, or drink, or check your messages.
Then come back and re-join the group once you have processed the put down and calmed yourself down.
9. Say goodbye to repeat offenders.
Remember that not all friends are really your friends.
And not all family members deserve your time and attention.
And not all co-workers require a friendship outside of work.
If a person often puts you down or makes fun of you, you might consider clearing them out from your life.
Even if you are unable to break away completely, you can minimise the interaction you have with this person.
Just keep to basic pleasantries and avoid engaging in anything more than is required.
10. Be prepared to defend others who suffer a put down.
You know how bad you feel when you get a put down. Please step in when someone else Is targeted.
Defend them by stating your disagreement with the perpetrator. And make it clear that sort of behaviour is not acceptable.
This may convince the individual in your group of friends or co-workers to think twice before repeating this in the future.
Final thoughts.
Are you willing to:
- Years of joyful and confident living over mean-spirited remarks?
- Believe the lies others tell you so that they can feel better about themselves?
- To be shut down every time rather than bring up what you have done occasionally?
Not likely.
Do not believe the voices that say you are not intelligent enough, beautiful enough, or worthy enough.
You alone are enough and have nothing to prove to anyone.
You have the power to make your dreams come true.
Do not let the outside world influence you.
Always remember that whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.