Being more likeable is within your grasp.
- Updated: February 24, 2021
We all want to be liked by our friends, colleagues, or associates. At the same time, you do not want to come off as fake. You want to be more likeable and still be you.
Learning how to be more likable is something we struggle with. We want to be true to ourselves, and at the time also want others enjoy being around us.
It is difficult to find that balance. We can come off as fake if we try too hard. And if we do not try at all it seems like we do not care.
But it is possible to learn how to be more likable and still be yourself.
Many people mistakenly believe that being likeable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few. Traits such as good looks, high sociability, or talent. It is within your control to be likeable.
You need sincerity, transparency, and a capacity for understanding another person.
How to be more likeable
Learning how to be more likable is not difficult. You do not want to put on a show or act a certain way. Simply be self-aware and a person you would want to spend time with.
Here are some steps you can take and some things to consider if you are concerned about how to be more likable.
1. Listen and ask questions.
Listen more and talk less.
Hearing is not the same as listening.
Listen actively to the person you are talking to.
Active listening involves hearing, interpreting, evaluating, and responding.
Drop what you are doing and pay attention.
Ask clarifying questions. Avoid quick judgment and do not jump to conclusions. Let the other person know that they have been heard.
2. Put away your phone.
Put your smartphone in your pocket and keep it there until your conversation or meeting is over.
Pay attention. Look at them. Stop what you are doing. No interruptions.
When you are always checking your phone when people are talking to you, this shows one thing.
That you are not interested in them. It is also rude and disrespectful.
It turns people off.
If you keep doing this, people might stop having conversations with you.
When you commit to a conversation, focus all your energy on the conversation. Conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.
3. Be genuine.
Be genuine and honest.
This will make you likeable. No one likes a fake.
People lean toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them.
It is difficult to like someone when you do not know who they really are and how they really feel.
Be confident enough to be yourself. You become a much more interesting person by being yourself.
4. Do not be judgmental.
Be open-minded. Being open-minded makes you approachable and interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen.
Having an open mind approachability means access to new ideas and help. You need to see the world through other people’s eyes to remove prejudiced beliefs and opinion.
Have you asked yourself the reason why you must express your thoughts or share certain information to contradict another person?
Why do you want to disparage that person’s beliefs, orientation, or pursuits either directly or indirectly?
You do not have to believe what they believe nor condone their behaviour. It simply means you quit passing judgment long enough to understand what makes them tick. And they are also not interested in changing their beliefs or behaviour. Nor do they need to seek your acceptance.
Let them be who they are.
5. Do not seek attention.
People loath those who are desperate for attention. Do not try to show them you are important.
You do not need to have a big, extroverted personality to be likeable.
Do not be cocky.
All you need is to be friendly and considerate.
People are much more attentive and persuadable when you speak with a friendly, confident, and concise manner.
People are more attracted to the right attitude than what or how many people you know.
Do not brag about your accomplishments.
When you are being recognised for an accomplishment, shift the focus to all the people who helped you get there.
When you pay attention to others and appreciate their help, this will show that you are appreciative and humble.
Convey a realistic sense of confidence that shows modesty.
6. Be consistent.
People like to know who they are dealing with and the type of response they can expect from you.
You must be reliable to be consistent. Your mood swings must not affect how you treat people.
We are all inconsistent in some way, we all have ups and downs in life. But that does not mean that we should reflect this inconsistency in our actions.
Having too much inconsistency and unpredictability could annoy or infuriate people. And they can perceive you as less likable.
Inconsistent behaviour does not create good first impressions.
Some examples from experience are as follows:
- People being friendly one day and unfriendly the next day.
- People accept invitation to join a meeting or event and then do not turn up. And then giving a fake response like “something else” came up at the last minute.
- When someone offers help one day and then do not turn up on that day. Because “something else” came up.
- People being interested in something one day, and something else another day.
7. Use positive body language to leave a strong first impression.
Be mindful of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice. Make sure they are positive.
Smile. People will smile in return.
Making eye contact also effectively conveys confidence.
Be firm with your handshake. A weak handshake can contribute largely and negatively to that first impression.
Uncross your arms.
Use an enthusiastic tone.
Convey warmth and competence by nodding and smiling.
Use positive body language to draw people in.
Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation.
How you say something can be more important than what you say.
8. Greet people by name.
Your name is an essential part of your identity. It feels terrific when people use it.
Likeable people make certain they use other people’s names every time they see them. People feel encouraged when the person they are talking to refers to them by name during a conversation.
Remembering a person’s name is an excellent step to be more likable. A lack of interest might make us forget people’s names.
What if you just met somebody and did not catch their name when you got first introduced?
You can just say: “I didn’t catch your name.”
Also, learning the correct pronunciation and spelling of the person’s name boosts your likability.
Afterthoughts
Likeable people are invaluable and unique.
They network with ease, promote harmony in the workplace, bring out the best in everyone around them. And they also seem to have the most fun.