5 DIFFERENCES BETWEEN ANGER AND BITTERNESS

 

Many people are not aware of the differences between anger and bitterness. The two are so closely related to each other that things can be confusing.

When you have been wronged, or feel that you have been wronged, you would usually experience both anger and bitterness. The anger will come first with the bitterness coming right after that if the anger is not dealt with.

Someone who is bitter generally focuses on the dark side of life.

Even someone who has it all; the job, the security, the family, the partner, the friends, the money, and the long holidays, can still end up feeling bitter.

Bitterness is all consuming. Everything seems wrong. You will be defensive, yet you do not know why. You are aware that you are moody or temperamental, yet you know there is not much you can do about it.

Bitterness is a cloud that prevents you from appreciating all the things you do have.

 

Here are 5 ways to tell the difference between anger and bitterness.

If you understand your feelings better, the easier it is to deal with what is bothering you.

 

1. Anger can pass quickly; bitterness may not pass at all. 

 

When you get angry, you can get over it quickly. A walk in the park, a session at the gym, a movie or even just counting to 10 may help you get over that feeling swiftly.

You may be angry in the morning, but it may all be forgotten in the evening.

 

When you are bitter, you feel miserable all the time. Bitterness grows. The more bitter you get, the more miserable you feel. And the more miserable you feel, the more bitter you get.

You will always think of getting even. You feel wronged. That is such a bad feeling.

 

2. Anger is not always bad; bitterness is never good.

 

It is normal to be angry. We are all human. Anger will let us know if we feel threatened or wronged. It is alright so long as we do not let that anger consume us.

 

We cannot be happy if we are bitter. Bitterness makes us go around in circles. You will always be upset. This will affect our life as it can make us sick and tired. And it may hurt our relationships with our friends, colleagues, or associates.

 

3. We can control anger; bitterness controls us.

 

We can manage anger. There are many ways of getting over anger. We may get angry at one moment in time. Once that moment has passed, we are not able to hold on to that anger. Unless we choose to hold on to it. Some people want to be angry and remain angry for reasons best known to themselves. Then they become bitter and get stuck.

 

Bitterness will control you and then consume you. You cannot and do not know how to let go. It is pervasive in all aspects of your life. This bitterness determines how you feel in every situation. And you just cannot move on.

 

4. Anger is about a present hurt; bitterness is about a past hurt.

 

You get angry because of something that just happened.  You can go from a not angry state to an angry state in 5 seconds or less, just like an on off switch. It is not likely that you will be angry from something that happened some time ago. But something that hurt you in the past could trigger your anger about something similar that is hurting you now.

 

Bitterness remains from something that happened in the past. You still hold on to resentment.

You still hold a grudge and possibly some sort of payback. Bitterness is always there. You feel so hurt by something that happened to you in the past that you feel hurt all the time. And you cannot process that hurt satisfactorily. When you think about it you immediately feel bitter.

 

5. Anger is noisy; bitterness is quiet.

 

Shouting, yelling, complaining, grumbling, fuming over something that happened. Or they could be slamming doors, throwing stuff, pounding desks or tables, kicking cabinets or chairs. It is hard to talk to them when they have emotional outbursts. You cannot hide anger.

 

Bitterness is more internal. Usually, only the person who feels bitter will know about it. Bitterness gnaws at the person like a dog with a bone. Other people will know of it when the bitterness comes to a point when the person bursts out in anger. The person who receives it feels the anger but the person giving it will feel the bitterness. No one else knows about the bitterness of that person.

 

Afterthoughts

 

Bitterness is nasty. Being angry and bitter will cause you lot of harm.

Being bitter is like digging yourself a hole to cover another hole. And you dig another hole to cover that hole you just dug. And it goes on and on.

It is normal to be angry about what you have gone through. And it is also not your fault if you become bitter either. But then, you deserve better.

Do learn to forgive and let go. Do not give up your happiness to hold on to that bitterness that does your harm.

You are not giving up by letting go. You are just surrendering any obsessive attachment to particular people, outcomes, and situations.  Do not expect life to go a certain way. Detach yourself from your perception of what life must look like.

You must realise that you are the one who must change, and not the world around you. Forgive yourself and forgive others.

Tell yourself not to waste any more time on this and move on and forward.