Anger can cloud your judgment, damage your relationships, and destroy the trust you have with others.

How To Let Go Series – Part 2

 

To begin the process of letting go of your anger, you must understand why you have become angry in the first place. Anger is an emotion we use to avoid fear, vulnerability, or pain.

There are many reasons why we may experience pain, whether physical or emotional abuse. It is not the experience alone that has made you angry. It is also your thought process.

Anger is a natural emotion to have and is something that everyone experiences. However, it tends to be in the form of an unwanted and irrational feeling.

You would usually experience both anger and bitterness. The anger will come first with the bitterness coming right after that if the anger is not dealt with. So, please let go of anger before you get overwhelmed by bitterness.

Anger and bitterness differ in several different ways. You can look at how anger and bitterness differ in this post – 5 differences between anger and bitterness.

The good news is, anger can be reversed, and you can learn how to let go of anger.

 

There is a lot of learning and self-exploration involved in letting go of anger. Doing this is not easy and is an ongoing task that requires discipline and a change in perspective. Here are 7 ways to help you begin to let go of your anger.

 

1. Find out the source of your anger.

 

Recognise when you are feeling angry. Try to find out the cause of your anger.

Can you control it or change it? Is it caused by family member or someone close to you?

The anger that you feel when dealing with people who are close to you involves an ongoing interaction. You can escape the situation by relaxing, reorganising your thoughts, or expressing your anger directly in a calm and appropriate tone.

Another way is to step back and evaluate your life.

Is your life meeting your expectations?

Are you living up to the standards you perceive other people have of you?

It could also be due to unhealthy relationships and past experiences.

Feelings of anger could well up to cover up this pain. You would have to identify the past experiences that are continuing to affect your life. Then you must face that situation so you can let it go.

Learn to how to control your anger before it takes over. To do this, acknowledge that you are angry when anger comes, and remind yourself you can get over it. Remember that the feeling will not last and will only get as bad as you allow it to.

 

2. Just relax.

 

You can use simple relaxation strategies to calm yourself down. It is about the same as the techniques used in letting stress go. Please look at 7 ways to let go of stress.

 

You can do something you like.

Read your favourite book, take a walk around the park, or go shopping. Or something physical like climbing a hill or doing some gardening.

 

You do the small stuff at home.

Clean your house, organise your stuff, clear your desk, or file your documents. It may be a good time to rearrange your books if you have your own library. Or just throwing away stuff you are not using anymore.

 

Do nothing.

You can also destress by not doing anything. You can go to a spa or go for a reflexology session or both.

 

Meditate.

Sometimes, you may not neither need to be active nor be relaxed.

 

Or whatever works for you.

If you use any of these techniques often, you will find that it is easier to resort to them when you feel anger emerging. Find out which techniques work best for you to help you process your thoughts with a clearer mindset.

 

3. Have a time out.

 

Sit away from others. In this quiet time, you can process events and return your emotions to neutral. You may even find this time away from others is so helpful you want to schedule it into your daily routine.

 

Walk away.

If you are doing something or talking to someone and you can sense that you have anger building up, just excuse yourself. Walk away and take a couple of minutes to gather your thoughts and discharge the negative emotions. Think about how you want to respond before you speak. Taking a timeout will prevent you from saying something out of anger that you might later regret. After your anger has subsided and before returning to the situation, consider what you will say when you return.

 

Things you can do during your time out.

You can find a quiet and relaxing place to go to. You can do some meditation and reflection to cool down during this time.

 

4. Forgive.

 

Forgiveness can take many forms. Make up your mind to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge against the people who have wronged you. Once you have done this, your anger will no longer drain your energy, and you will have peace of mind.

Do not hold any grudges as it affects you and does not affect the other person. They take up your energy and make your emotional state toxic. Try your best to be empathic rather than be a victim.

The act that hurt you may always be with you, but forgiveness will set you free from the control of the incident or person who caused you harm. Remember that when you forgive someone else, you are not doing it for their sake. Rather, you are doing it for yourself so that you can regain control of your life and move on. This does not mean that you are forgetting or excusing the harmful behaviour. It is just you are bringing some form of closure that will bring you peace.

 

5. Write it down.

 

Write down what you are feeling and how you want to respond.

Writing about your anger in a journal or a diary is one of the most effective ways to express and understand your feelings.

You can process your thoughts carefully through writing. It helps you calm down and reassess the events leading up to your feelings.

You can analyse your responses once you identify the root causes of your anger. Writing about your anger will help you learn from it. You will then increase your self-awareness and move on.

 

6. Identify possible solutions.

 

Do not keep on focusing on what made you angry. Concentrate on resolving the issue at hand. Instead of staying angry, do something about it

You must recognise the things that are out of your control and understand that you cannot change them. Knowing what you can control will let you use your energy in the most effective way possible. The time you waste thinking about and trying to change situations that are out of your control could be spent on things that you do have control over, which would then allow you to make progress.

Remind yourself that anger will not fix anything and might only make it worse.

 

7. Talk to someone you trust.

 

Take a weight off your shoulders as well as your mind by talking to someone you trust about how you are feeling. The trusted person could be a friend, family member or a therapist, and is not immediately involved.

It helps tremendously to vocally express the thoughts behind the anger to a person who is not the focus or cause of the angry reaction.

This can help defuse the situation and more clearly identify the cause of the intense feelings.

When we keep things inside for too long, frustrations can build up. So, talk about your feelings with someone you trust.

 

Afterthoughts

 

Anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. However, if you find your anger turns to aggression or outbursts, you need to find ways to deal with it. If you do not deal with it, it will become fester and develop into bitterness which is worse than anger.

You can look at how anger and bitterness differ in this post – 5 differences between anger and bitterness.

Holding onto anger affects you both mentally and physically. The steps listed above are a great start to let go of anger and free yourself from anguish.

Reverse your anger habit by taking small steps each day. Keep a mental image of how relieved you will feel once you have learned to let go of that negative emotion.

The faster you can resolve the problem, the quicker you can set yourself free.

 

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