8 REASONS WHY PEOPLE PUT OTHERS DOWN

You may have heard some of these behaviours before.

Some people like to have a shot at others whenever they can.

They belittle them, they make fun of them, and they put them down.

They want to appear well meaning but are not actually. Dissuasions and opinions will appear in the form of “advice”. Their voice, from someone who has had more life experience than others must be listened to. But they are opinionated, biased and comes from a narrow point of view.

It can really hurt your feelings if you are on the receiving end of this type of behaviour.

It can put you in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Or even the rest of the week depending on how toxic the comments were.

So, why do they do it?

What makes people put others down?

What makes people put you down?

 

Let us get into 8 reasons why people put others down.

 

1. They do this to make themselves feel better.

 

They are insecure and feel the need to pinpoint the insecurities of others. It is their foolish way to boost their low self-esteem.

It does sound strange, but these people feel better about themselves by making others feel bad.

They hurt other people to get temporary relief.

They could also be using displacement to deal with their negative emotions. Displacement involves taking a hostile emotion from one situation and transferring it to another.

A person may, for example, take their stress, anxiety, or anger from one part of their life and find an outlet for it by putting others down.

This is an unhealthy and destructive way to deal with one’s own difficult feelings.

This relief does not last long. The perpetrator will always be finding ways to put people down.

Sad, really.

 

2. They are jealous.

 

It pains them to see someone doing well due to their low self-esteem.

Their jealousy causes them to lash out. Their aim is to bring the other person down to their level by belittling their successes or happiness.

It is the only way they know when they approach or deal with people who have achieved what they want.

They want other people to feel as miserable or as deprived as them.

 

3. They want to feel important.

 

This happens in both personal and business context.

Some people use put downs to make themselves feel important.

They believe that attacking someone else gives their own standing a lift in a group or in a hierarchy.

Among relatives, someone who perceives he is more successful in business or life or is wealthier will put down other people in everything they do.

They are convinced that they know better than you, and really believe that they are all knowing and cannot be wrong.

In business circles, someone who perceives he has a ‘bigger’ or ‘better’ business will put down other people in every business venture they are in. It is odd as there are always bigger fish in the pond, and there are always bigger bodies of water to swim in.

What these people do not realise is that people will either be hurt or demoralised or resentful.

They will get a temporary boost of ego from it, but it is not worth it. Although people will move on from those caustic remarks or put downs, but they will remember it for life.

 

4. They want to get attention and to make other people like them.

 

Some people feel uncomfortable when there is nobody around paying attention to them.

They then start to make fun of others to attract attention.

They want to be the centre of all attention.

Some people want attention even though it may be negative attention. So long as it gets people to interact with them.

Making fun of someone amongst a group of friends can make everyone laugh. Even though this is at the cost of causing a huge sense of disgust or unhappiness in the person who is being targeted at.

It can be making fun of the person by bringing up something hugely embarrassing or demoralising to the person did in the past. Or the appearance or any unhappy event.

Some people do this, thinking that it will help others feel more positively toward them.

It will not.

Those who are laughing at you often honestly think they are being funny. At the expense of their victim. They do not realise they leave a trail of hurt feelings. At the very least, a sense of awkwardness.

 

5. They want to manipulate the person.

 

They are attempting to weaken the resolve of another person with a view to manipulating them.

This could be a narcissist who simply wants to destroy his victim’s self-esteem to control them.

It could also be a person seeking to guilt trip someone into doing what they want them to do.

Putting others down and belittling them can weaken their self-belief and assertiveness, making them easier to influence.

 

6. They have a negative outlook on life.

 

Some people want to be surrounded by negativity.

They negatively view everything they encounter and are pessimistic, cynical, and utterly disparaging of anyone else’s positivity.

Putting others down is almost second nature to them and is an automatic response to anything positive or cheerful.

Tough if you decide to share good news with such a person or seek some words of encouragement.

You are going be on the receiving end of some caustic or unpleasant remarks.

 

7. They have low social and emotional intelligence and do not know how to communicate properly.

Some people do not have the feel for social norms. They do things that most people would know not to do.

They also lack the emotional intelligence to understand that their actions directly affect how other people feel.

Mocking, making fun, and putting others down is something they do. This is because their mind does not alert them that they are doing is not okay.

They usually cannot not understand why the target of their put down is so offended.

At times it is because they do not know how to effectively communicate their true thoughts and feelings.

They either feel unable to express themselves, or they simply cannot find the right words to say what they want to say.

So, they use put downs as a means of distraction and to prevent any meaningful conversations from taking place.

 

8. They stereotype and are unwilling to listen to a different point of view.

 

When a person holds an extraordinarily strong position on a certain topic or belief, they are unlikely to be open to different points of view.

Their mind is already made up of who or what a person is like.

They have prejudiced notions of who or what a person is and assign certain behaviours toward them.

Stereotypes like being lazy, unintelligent, laid back, quiet, slow, and lacking in ambition may be assigned.

Some people might express such unkind thoughts openly even though they may not be true.

This may lead to put downs of the person who holds them.

Phrases belittling you or dismissive of you will come out.

“I do not think you have what it takes to do it.”

“I know what you are capable of as I have known you since you were young.”

“I have eaten more salt than you have eaten rice.”

“You are so naïve.”

“You do not know what you are talking about.”

Some people can handle such differences maturely, but others will not.

They will seek to tear down the views and opinions that go against their own.

 

Final thoughts.

 

Sometimes it is just that the person wants to have power and control over what you are doing.

It is difficult for the perpetrator to get out of this cycle of putting down people once it is set in motion.

Exit the conversation quickly, calmly and without drama as soon as it is safe to do so.

Just leave the room, the house, or the company of anyone who subjects you to a put down.

After that, work on your recovery.

People do put others down.

People do put you down.

And when it happens, there are ways of dealing with it. You can explore it here.

Stop letting others dictate your life, write your own story.